The "un-invited" dinner guest.....

Blessings to all my beloved readers and children,

For Jana's bridal shower, her bridesmaids asked each invitee to write words of blessing/advice to this new bride. Jana was telling me about these bits of advice -- and one really stuck in my mind and heart. Her good friend, Taylor, told her to turn off the TV whenever she and her new husband have dinner. I am not sure if she also added mobile devices - but I add that too! Keep dinner almost "sacred" time. The TV, the mobile devices, all are uninvited guests. Keep them out and away. Enjoy that time of respite with each other. Ask each other provocative questions :) Laugh together. Make dinner together. Clean up together. Simply enjoy this bit of a "vacation" everyday. It is called peace and rest.

As always - I do offer some words of warning; this time can be stolen away, ever so subtly. You will both come home tired and weary. You will just want to veg in front of that TV. You will want to look at Facebook - text your friends - and before you know it, this time of rest and reconnection is gone.... gone.....

This is another plumb line for your relationships. Keep vigilant eyes on that plumb. And when you are are "off" plumb - do everything to get back on line with your relationships. You will never, ever be sorry you did! Truly!

Enjoy each other --- you are the best gifts to each other!

Love and joy to all,

Kathy

The Thankfulness Light

Good Morning Beloved Ones!

I have this picture of Jana - because she so exemplifies a heart overflowing with thankfulness and joy- as she anticipates her wedding!

Jana and Adam got married 3 days ago. We had a lovely celebration with many close family members and friends. I am bursting with thankfulness and appreciation.

This quiet morning (after a very filled week of celebration and joy) I read several devotional selections on thankfulness from "Jesus Calling" - by Sara Young. She really hit the nail on the head about the value of having a thankful heart. She states that as you let thankfulness rule in your hearts an amazing thing happens! - you can see more and more of the amazing riches that God places in your lives. This happens even when times are difficult. "Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity..... Thankfulness opens your heart to God's presence and your mind to God's thoughts. You may still be in the same place, with the same set of circumstances, but it is as if a light has been swithced on, enabling you to see from God's perspective. It is this Light of God's Presence that removes the sting from adversity." (Notice the "aura" of light surrounding the bride!)

So first to my beloved children - grow thankful hearts. I really mean this with all my heart - it takes time and effort to be sure that you look at life from a thankful stance. However, with that work comes amazing blessings through good times and tough times. And sweet Jana and Adam, there will be those tough times. Therefore, remind each other often of this "thankfulness" truth. It is another plumb line for your marriages and relationships. It is actually a great plumb line for life.

To my beloved readers - the heartfelt thought is the same - When our hearts and minds are focusing on thankfulness - then there is just not time for growing a complaining heart. The two just do not mix.

I am asking you all for a "favor"- I am allowing all my friends and family to hold me accountable to this stance as well. Life has a way of pushing us to that "complaining stance." Do not allow me to do that :)

I give you permission to remind me if and when I go to that complaining - worrying place.

As always - many blessings to all!

I am genuinely thankful for you!

Truly and with love,

Kathy

Do you love well?

Hello Beloved Readers!

The next few blog entries are generated from excerpts from "Simply Romantic Nights," published by FamilyLife. We were given this gift by a young couple - Heather and Glen, when Paul and I were married about 10 years. It has been a source of ideas and information on making marriage an adventure every day of our lives. I recently picked up this resource again. The truths contained herein about marriage are tried and true. I will do my best to share the truths with you and share practical ways that you can apply them in your marriages. Enjoy this adventure!!

Listen to this:

"In Portland, a 53-year-old wife discovers a rose in the driver's seat of her car.

A 29-year-old wife in Little Rock is sent on a scavenger hunt for her birthday.

In Rochester, a 42-year-old husband arrives home after work to find the house filled with candles and the children elsewhere." (p.9)

In Bethlehem, this 57-year-old woman snatches her husband away for a weekend away - to a Bethlehem hotel......

I have learned, that if I want my marriage to flourish and be intimate on all levels - I need to love well. I need to be purposeful and planned when it comes to my marriage. Both Paul and I have committed to this idea. And, we become closer and closer every single day of our marriage.

I recently saw my friend Melanie and her husband taking a walk. As we passed, she shouted, "We are working on our marriage! This is our talking time!" And away they went... talking and sharing.... together.

I went to my sister, Cheri's house last Saturday. She and her husband had just gotten back from their regular Saturday morning rendezvous. She said, "I cannot believe how important this time is! I can't believe that we have put this off at times."

Learn to love well. You will not believe the benefits; to each of you and to your families.

People are watching, observing.... What are we showing them?

What is a "lady's man?"

Hello Beloved Readers!

It has been a few months since I have posted - but I have been gathering material, so be ready for some more regular postings. :)

This one is about a "ladies' man." What is a "ladies' man" anyway?

Paul and I were sitting in the kitchen taking some time to just be together and talk. We were reflecting about our sons and how they have been so mature, helpful, and sacrificial around the house. Mark has helped with the gardening (even cancelling an appointment to watch the Yankees!), takes the videos back to Red Box without being asked etc. Scott cleaned up the basement after the rain - water in the basement - without being asked to help out etc. They definitely see themselves as a contributing member to this household. This conversation lead Paul to remember a Cheers! episode that he will never forget. This is Paul's memory of the scene: Sam, the bar's owner was a well-known "Casanova." Norm was talking to Diane and mentioned that, "Sam is a ladies' man!" Diane replied, "No Norm, Sam is not a lady's man. A real lady's man is a man who goes home to his wife and family every night... a man who really loves his wife... That's a REAL lady's man."

Hmmmmm - this got me to thinking and researching. I "googled" lady's man. What did I find? Nothing about a REAL lady's man. Page after page was about the "world's" definition of a "ladies' man." Just let your own imaginations go in that direction for a moment......and the results of those kinds of actions......

So - who is a REAL lady's man? I know my husband is my man and I am his "lady!" He absolutely loves me... all that is lovable about me and all that is not :). He thinks of me, sacrifices for me and truly wants to be with me.

How do I feel around my Lady's Man? I feel loved, affirmed, secure, contented, and actually adored. I am blessed by his "strength" of character. I feel like a Lady!

To my Beloved sons and male readers - be a Lady's Man. Know your woman. Love her. Sacrifice for her. And you will be a strong, masculine, REAL LADY'S MAN!

Ephesians 5:28 and 29

Always make your bed.....

Hello to my Beloved Readers - always make your bed!

This is vital advice to maintain and grow your marriages :)

I just bet you are thinking that I am crazy. How can making a bed be vital to your relationship with your mate?

Do I have your curiosity aroused? Read on and then let me know what you think.

I was making the bed the other day and almost stopped making it. I was running late...... Then a little tug on my heart strings said, "Make that bed - it's the time you to pray for Paul and your marriage." So - guess what? --- I did indeed make that bed. As I was making it I prayed as I always do,

for my husband;

for his protection, thankful for him and his partnership with me, for his wisdom, for his health, for his relationship with his children and our God, for us.......

Now listen here - beloved ones -

I started this process of "bed-making prayer" many years ago. And it has never failed me, or Paul. Praying for your spouse daily, purposefully and intentionally secures your relationship to him. It is another foundational practice that will grow you closer.

And one last benefit here - what can be a very mundane chore - becomes one of eternal value....

So - that is why I encourage you to always make your bed.....

The best thing fathers can do...

My Beloved Readers - how I smile as I think of you all... my own children, their spouses and my precious friends.

I was listening to a radio program the other day and thought of all of you. And, I believe this with all my heart. Fathers - the best action you can do for your children is to love your wife. As children observe, listen, hear, watch... they see you as you love your wife - their mother. They feel secure and safe in that love.

Our children will leave us someday - they need to leave and then cleave to their spouses. Therefore, they must know that they are precious - but that they will go and grow. They truly are not the center of my relationship with Paul, my husband. They will become all that God intended them to be. They are the parents of the future! How exciting! How right it is....

It is also very interesting to me that the Bible tells husbands to "Love your wives.....Ephesians 5:25." It doesn't tell wives to love their husbands. Isn't that interesting???? Perhaps it is because women love their husbands easily and men need to be purposeful in their love of their wives. Perhaps they need to be reminded. All I know, is that if the Bible says it - the most "wise" book ever written - then it must be sage advice.

So - men - love your wives. And women - encourage that love. It is good, strong and proven advice. Now it is your choice if you will follow it or not. It is also your privilege to determine what that love looks like......

Go, Beloved Readers, ponder this advice. And as always, let me know your thoughts... they are precious to me, just as you are....

Happy Mother's Day 2011!

Watch out for those "foxes!"

How I love to share with my Beloved Readers!!!

And especially, my beloved children...Kurt and Stephanie, Jana and Adam, Scott, Mark.....I love you all so very much!

I want to share the truth that no matter how long you are married - you must always work on your marriages. The work is hard, but the rewards infinite!

Paul and I have been married more than 32 years (which is in itself amazing - a blessing from God for Jesus is our center). Therefore, I really thought that we were "insulated" against any separation. I, naively believed, that we had "made it." How wrong I was! The responsibilites of life - my dad passing away, Paul's mom moving in, stressful jobs, my going for my Letter of Eligibility, etc. - all, very subtly pulled us apart. The very interesting part of all this is that we did not even notice it!!!! Remember that word - "sublty." Your marriages never move apart obviously - it always a subtle. If it were obvious, you would be able to react quickly. It would be easy. LISTEN - it is NOT ever obvious.

Look at the definition from the Free Dictionary of "subtle" - "so slight as to be difficult to detect or describe."

Before you know it, your marriages could be in deep trouble.

So, what should you do? Be aware. Be alert. Don't ignore the signs and red flags that tell you that you are pulling apart. Figure out ways that you will pull back together. Put your relationship as a priority. Get away. Craft times that will increase time to talk, enjoy, and agree that you need work. Talk often - talk some more.....and always pray. Figure out what you can do especially crafted to build and protect your own relationship.

But beware - people will not understand. They will not understand this "work." They may even sabotage your efforts. Stay focused.....those little foxes can steal....

"Catch all those foxes, those little foxes, before they steal the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming." Song of Solomon 2:15 NLT

Catch those foxes before they steal your love! The rewards are infinite!

Love and blessings to all my Beloved Readers. Let me know your thoughts.....

Always go through the "wall!"

Hello Beloved Readers! It certainly has been a while since I have blogged. Alot has been going on in my life. I will tell you more in later blogs. Suffice it to say, God always brings me through. He has never failed me... ever....and He will never fail you either.

So on to the idea of a "wall" and breaking through it - or breaking it down.

I believe that every time I have a "discussion" with a loved one - like my husband, sons, daughters - folks that I really have a close relationship to and want to maintain, there is a "wall" to go through. Let me define "discussion" so we are all on the same page. To me, a "discussion" is that time when there is a miscommunication in a relationship. When the person I am talking to and I just cannot get to that place of resolve. So these "discussions" that I am talking about are not light, even intellectual discussions. These "discussions" and their end result, are the meat of what keeps or breaks a relationship.

Now let's define "wall." I believe that in those "discussions" - there is always a "wall." Did you see that word always? I mean ALWAYS! And, if we want these precious, important relationships to be protected and grow - we ALWAYS have to go through that "wall" to the place on the other side where we are in sync again. We have to go through that "wall" to the place where our relationship is at peace - no garbage left to rot and fester. If we do not go through that wall - the garbage will pile up and have to be dealt with eventually. The garbage left behind from unresolved "discussions" will not go away on it's own. In fact, it grows.

So - from years of breaking through "walls" - be sure you go through it with your loved one. Yesterday, Paul and I had a "discussion." We went on a mini-vacation (a night away - but still in town). My idea of a mini-vacation was to stay at the hotel until check-out. I just wanted to be together --- Well Paul's idea was, it is Saturday - we had a lovely evening - now time to do the chores, go to the food store, clean up the yard, etc. I was hurt, but didn't say anything. Then finally we talked - and he said - "I'm sorry." But - the "wall" was still there. The issue was not resolved. Finally, after the hard work of not accusing, discussing fairly, listening intently - resolve happened. He truly understood my concerns and I understood where he was coming from.

Go through the "wall." It is real - It is not imagined. You know when that "wall" is broken down - your relationship has grown stronger. It doesn't mean that another "wall" will be easier to go through. Don't be fooled. The "walls" will still be there - it is just your awareness of them is quicker and your determination and love will bring them down - ALWAYS!

Enjoy breaking down those "walls!" Share your stories if you like!

God bless and keep you - oh Beloved Ones!