A New Puppy...

Meet Bailey! She is Kurt and Stephanie's new puppy and she came for a visit during the 2009 Christmas week. Now, you may ask, "What does a new puppy have to do with marriage?" I actually observed Bailey growing and changing everyday. She became more playful, more inquisitive, more challenging (at times), and grew physically. She reacted differently depending on the people and the places that she visited. And, she needed constant attention to help her grow and become the dog/companion she is intended to be.

Our marriages are like that puppy. They are always growing and changing. Our relationships with others, our locations, our stresses, our sorrows, our joys - all effect our marriages. Therefore, do not ever, ever, ever become overly confident in the strength of your relationship with your spouse. Your relationship always needs tending. Even after 30+ years of marriage to a wonderful husband, our relationship needs attention. After a busy holiday week, Paul and I finally got out alone for dinner. It was wonderful! I must admit, that Jana and Mark asked us to go to dinner with them after we went to a movie with them. It would have been good to go, however, our marriage needed "tending." We went to a lovely restaurant - alone - and just reconnected. This "attention" needs to be a priority.
May you all be blessed as you put your relationship with your spouse first in 2010. It's never too late to start!

With love to our beloved children and readers!
Paul and Kathy

p.s. - Nurture your relationship with your Lord too! He will never disappoint you!

Jana is engaged to be married!!!

Our only daughter is engaged! Her fiance asked us the day after Thanksgiving, 2009. Paul and I had an idea that he was going to ask us first for our blessing. So, on our annual "day after Thanksgiving breakfast walk" - Paul pondered, "What do I want to say to Adam when he asks us for our blessing?" I thought Paul was being his usual fun self and wanted to make a "smart" remark. I was wrong. Paul explained to me that this was much too serious for that kind of reply. His "baby girl" is going to have another man to take care of her. (Amazing how one can be married to a person for so long and misread them!!) Anyway, Paul decided that he wanted to let Adam know that he has our blessing, however, he needs to be sure that this is forever... a forever commitment/covenant. Therefore, if divorce happens, it is like death. Death to not only their relationship, but death to our relationship with Adam... our sons' and their wives' relationships with him.....

So - after Adam said, "I am so thankful that you have welcomed me into your family and that you love me like a son. I would like to make this relationship permanent by marrying your daughter."

Paul said, "Adam, we are so proud of you and of course you have our blessing... Just make sure that you are ready and willing to make this commitment for life. It takes hard work, but worth every single effort... more than worth it!"

.....then we all prayed together.......

Thankful for my husbud!

Hello my beloved readers!

It has been a while since I have blogged. Yet, I think frequently about ways to be sure that I am growing my marriage. I have to confess that I have been taking my precious husband for granted! Life is just so busy. He is always there, and I truly forget about thanking him! He keeps loving me unconditionally!

So - be sure to tell your spouse frequently that you are thankful for them.... for their presence, for their teamwork with you, for their steadfastness... thank them!

This willful act of thankfulness actually makes you love them more. You are reminded of why you married them.

So - enjoy each other... thank each other... and continue to grow in your love!

Enjoy!

Laugh Often....

I smile as I write that title, "Laugh often." My husbud has the greatest ability to get me to laugh. He makes me laugh at him and often times at myself. There is something special and intimate about laughing together. And, physiologically, well just take a look at this link to give you an idea of how valuable laughter is to your well-being. http://helpguide.org/life/humor_laughter_health.htm

Now you may ask, "How do we laugh when we don't think we have anything to laugh about." hmmmmmm Watch this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64eht-rUakE

And remember, don't take yourselves too seriously - enjoy and laugh together!!!

With joy to my precious readers!!! Remember, the joy of the Lord is my strength!!

Listen! Watch out for the "bumps of dirt under your marriage rugs!"

Oh my beloved ones - Please listen to this piece of advice. Always - share your thoughts, cares, resentments, anger, frustration, hurts etc with each other. You don't have to yell at one another to express your emotions - but you do need to discuss your feelings. That would be anything that "bothers" you. If you think, "Oh, this is just small. I don't need to bring it up. I can just sweep it under the rug." Then, you will be in for lots of bumps of dirt under your marriage rug. Your foundation will be very bumpy and it will be harder and harder to clean it out. In fact, there may come a time, when it is unfixable. Trust me precious ones, keep discussing until you are back in synch with your mates.

What happens to a marriage of mothering and not partnering?

So what happens if you continue to be the "mother" to your man? Well, you nag, and try to "mother" and forget how to be a partner. That is what happens. By the time you are married for 30 years (or 10 years, or 10 months), you wonder why your husband is not participating in your marriage. That is what happens.

It all starts with your husband doing the dishes, and you don't like the way he does them. You tell him. He gives up because he can't please you. So you make sure that you do them all the time - then you get tired. Your husband dresses the kids when you are at work. You come home, or see them and say - How could you dress them this way? He gives up.... This scenario gets repeated and repeated. Sometimes I really think that we women think that our husbands should know. They do not. We need to express ourselves - heart to heart to our men. We need to talk to our men as their woman and not their mother.

Does this make sense to you?

A mother or a friend, soul mate, lover....partners for life!

To my precious sons and daughters and beloved readers.... I am not sure if I ever told you this story about the propensity we women have to "mother" our men... so here goes:

When Dad and I were first married, I wanted to do everything for him. If he liked chocolate chip cookies, I made dozens. If he wanted something, I bought lots. I thought I needed to do all the wash, I needed to do all the cooking and cleaning and take care of my man!!! Thank God your Dad is so very wise. I can remember vividly when he sat me down for a heart to heart talk. He said, "Kathy, I am not incapable. I am a participating member of this relationship. I want to be a part of this team. And we are a team. So please do not mother me." That is all he needed to say. I got the point! From that point on, we worked as a team. That first year of marriage, we did everything together. If I cooked, he helped, or he cleaned up and vice versa. We did the wash together - great memories of going to the laundramat - loading the car, folding the wash - just enjoying our time together. We were growing our partnership and have not stopped! I love being a partner with Paul for sure!!!

I have watched many marriages disintegrate into a mother/child relationship, rather than a rich shared partnership. I'll be talking about this in my next blog...

Which type of relationship will you build?