What are the two most important words for your relationships?

So what ARE the two most important words for your marriage????

Believe it or not - we are not always this "happy!"  We definitely have our times when we are miles apart- not only physically but emotionally and relationally.  And those times, if not addressed quickly and purposefully - will pull folks apart.

So what ARE the two most important words for your marriage????
"I do?"
"Your fault?"
"You're right?"
"Let's eat?"

All kidding aside - I have found that the two most important words in our marriage are - "I'm sorry"
     * I'm sorry that we are fighting. Let's work on this.  I want us to be ok before we go any further.
     * I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings.  Let's talk this out.
     * I'm sorry you're having a hard day - Let's hug :)
 
Now pay attention here - EVEN IF YOU BELIEVE THAT "IT" IS ALL YOUR PARTNERS' FAULT - SAY, "I'm sorry...."
Truly - humble yourself -- You ARE sorry that things are not right between you.  You are sorry that there is a rift.  You ARE sorry if you misrepresented yourself.  You ARE sorry that this had to happen.

I have found that when that "wall" comes between our precious relationship - that the best way to start pulling those bricks down is with those 2 words - "I'm sorry......"
Those words magically and mystically open up communication - dispel misunderstandings - create an atmosphere of love and acceptance....

And - the more quickly one of you says them -- with the intent of growing closer and tighter and stronger --- the more quickly you will see the benefits!

Love to you all - especially Kurt, Stephanie, Jana, Adam, Scott, Kim, Mark and Courtney

And absolutely Love to my husbud, Paul! <3 nbsp="" p="">

And now I'm smiling --- 

Funny-- I just read my last post to this blog from January 2014.  
I wrote in it - "Stay tuned for my next blog (which will certainly be sooner than one and a half years). And I will share my reflections with you."

Well - to say the least- it is well past  1 1/2 years since I've posted....
So why am I  smiling???....

A "family catch up" -- 
Kurt and Stephanie are now awaiting the arrival of their second child and our first grandson, Joshua, is 4 years old and just too cute!  They have bought a house and are doing a great job of making it a home.  
Jana and Adam have had their first child - Derek Scott.  And what a joy he is...Jana wants to be a stay-at-home mommy and I am certain that will happen soon!
Scott and Kim have bought a house -- making it a home and will soon be making one of the bedrooms into a nursery.  Yep!  They are expecting their first child -- :) 
Mark, our youngest, has his own apartment and is working hard at People's Kitchen. Lots of wonderful food and fellowship ---Give it a try if you are in town. And he is dating Courtney -- He and she are so very happy as they navigate and grow in this new relationship--- 
(And did I mention that - Both new grandbabies are scheduled to arrive in September?)
Is that why I'm smiling???....

A "Paul and Kathy catch up" -- 
Paul and I are getting older... and wiser (hopefully) ... and falling more madly in love with one another than ever before. It is a lot of work - but it is the best work of our lives, with the best return on the investment - ROI is so high!
Paul loves to tell the story of an acquaintance saying, "I love my wife of 35 years just as much as I did the day we were married."
Whew!!  How boring!  How dull!!!  How limiting!
Love just grows and grows and grows -- if only we will tend to our marriages.  
If only....
I have to confess, that there have been times in our marriage, when we "forgot" that truth -- However, we agreed early on that it was always our desire to have an amazing marriage - not a mediocre one.. not a bad one... 
Therefore - when we see those times of need in our marriage -- we have to stop - tend that relationship...
And those "tending" times are just soooooo good....(i'll share our tending times in some other posts in the future -- so stay tuned!) 
So, is that why I'm smiling???...

I turned 62 in January 2016.  I have "retired" from public education and am "realigning" -- 
Paul "realigns" in July 2016 ---
On to the next adventurous stage of our lives together -- 
Is that why I'm smiling???...

The ups and downs of life are still there.  There are days and moments of extreme joy and there are some very tough times -- Broken marriages of close family and friends, sickness, money woes.... loneliness.... misunderstandings...fear... despair... selfishness...

The "ways of our lives" are filled with all kinds of twists and turns -- 

Yet there is a foundational "view" or perspective that I have found never to fail me --- and perhaps will encourage you on your "way."

When life gives us those "rough ways" - I remember .....

"You teach me the way of life.
In Your presence is total celebration.
Beautiful things are always in Your right hand." 
Psalm 16:11 (CEB)

Perhaps... just perhaps... that is why I am smiling -- 
Thankful.  Hopeful. Contented.  
During the calm and during the storm (at least i try to get there during  the "storms" :) 
Because I know...
Because I am reminded ... 
of the Lord's constant Presence...

Encourage one another, beloved couples, of this truth -- There is 'total celebration' in your marriages when you allow His Presence to teach and lead.... 

ever onward and upward...with love....
Kathy

(P.S. That's Ollie! and baby Derek... with the Path ever before us ...
That doggie definitely makes me smile :)

Establish Your "Plumb Line"

I'm not really sure where we heard this nugget of truth.  I think it was at a marriage conference we went to when I was pregnant with Scott (it is amazing how you measure time by your children's events :).  Anyway, this is excellent advice and Paul and I have lived by this one!

   So - what is a plumb line?  Well, a plumb is a weight attached to a line to determine whether or not something is on true vertical.  If you are "out of plumb" or "off plumb," you are off vertical, or true.  In marriage words - if you are out of plumb, if you are sensing that you are not right or true, then you need to make an adjustment to get back on plumb - back on true!  And believe me, there are many "things" that push you off plumb; work, other family members, money woes, not enough time. etc etc etc.

Some of our "plumb lines" are: weekly date nights, praying together everyday, phoning each other everyday, going on annual or preferably semi-annual retreats away-just for the two of us, going to church together, never going to bed angry, and going over our budget weekly.  (There are some intimate plumb lines too!)  Those are a few of the ones that stand out for me right now.  We have decided as a couple that these are some of the "things" that will keep us true. keep our marriage strong, straight, vertical.

Do we pray absolutely every day?  Do we go out every single week alone? Absolutely not!  Stuff happens! We get busy and preoccupied with other things.  We get lazy.  Or, we get plain old tired.  However, because we have established our own "plumb lines" we recognize when we get off plumb more readily.  That is the value!

Wikipedia has another definition for a plumb line: A plumb line is a line regarded as directed exactly toward the Earth's center of gravity.  So establish your marriage's plumb line!  And be sure that you are always pointing that plumb to the Way, the Truth and the Life! (John 14:6)  He is your Center and holds you together!

 

 

 

plumb. (2009). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Retrieved June 26, 2009, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/plumb

Picture retrieved June 26, 2009 from www.elizabethharperneeld.com

Love....

Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind. As you love Him... both of you ..... Loving Him... you will definitely grow closer to one another.

Love of God is foundational. Life will always throw you a "hard ball." If you love Him.. truly trust Him... rely on Him.... your relationship will stay rock solid.

It is like a triangle. You are both on the bottom corners of the triangle. He is at the top point. As your both rely on Him, you will grow closer and closer.. AND the rewards will be phenomenal. Do you want a phenomenal life??? Then trust me... develop, grow, strengthen your relationship with the Lord of Lords. You will not be disappointed!

Love to you all!

Why I am blogging on Marriage Matters....

When I was in college I read a book - "Letters to Karen." It was written by a dad to his daughter as she prepared to be married. I loved the book and cherished the advice. I am now married for over 30 years... and I do have alot of "advice" to share. I have nuggets of wisdom - I believe they will guarantee a precious marriage... not a perfect marriage, but a precious one.

I am writing this blog for my four children - I love you all so very much. Your dad and I have a wonderful marriage... you know that.... and I want to share some of the secrets that have fostered such an amazing relationship.

Read on - if you want a wonderful, amazing, fulfilling marriage.
Read on - if you don't want a mediocre marriage.
Read on - if you don't want a poor marriage.
Read on - if you are dedicated and committed to a life long relationship with your chosen...