What are the two most important words for your relationships?

So what ARE the two most important words for your marriage????

Believe it or not - we are not always this "happy!"  We definitely have our times when we are miles apart- not only physically but emotionally and relationally.  And those times, if not addressed quickly and purposefully - will pull folks apart.

So what ARE the two most important words for your marriage????
"I do?"
"Your fault?"
"You're right?"
"Let's eat?"

All kidding aside - I have found that the two most important words in our marriage are - "I'm sorry"
     * I'm sorry that we are fighting. Let's work on this.  I want us to be ok before we go any further.
     * I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings.  Let's talk this out.
     * I'm sorry you're having a hard day - Let's hug :)
 
Now pay attention here - EVEN IF YOU BELIEVE THAT "IT" IS ALL YOUR PARTNERS' FAULT - SAY, "I'm sorry...."
Truly - humble yourself -- You ARE sorry that things are not right between you.  You are sorry that there is a rift.  You ARE sorry if you misrepresented yourself.  You ARE sorry that this had to happen.

I have found that when that "wall" comes between our precious relationship - that the best way to start pulling those bricks down is with those 2 words - "I'm sorry......"
Those words magically and mystically open up communication - dispel misunderstandings - create an atmosphere of love and acceptance....

And - the more quickly one of you says them -- with the intent of growing closer and tighter and stronger --- the more quickly you will see the benefits!

Love to you all - especially Kurt, Stephanie, Jana, Adam, Scott, Kim, Mark and Courtney

And absolutely Love to my husbud, Paul! <3 nbsp="" p="">

Do I want to grow old with my husbud?

Really?  Do I want my husband, Paul, to be there all the years of my life?  To see me shrivel up and wrinkle up?  And I make myself smile. Of course I want to grow old with him.  And not just for us - but for a real life "legacy love."  The type of love that affects our future generations... Giving them stability and foundation and commitment and a picture of covenantal love....

I've always wanted a "picture" of the dedicated, self-less, committed "legacy love" of a marriage...

I love this picture of my mom and dad -- Look how they are holding hands.  Despite a lot of tough times, they stuck it out.  And the joy and blessings of this foundation is seen and felt throughout future generations.

Another "picture" of legacy love is this video - it is precious and encouraging and just watch --

How Much I Love You ....

And don't forget to tell your beloved How Much You Love Them.....I'm going to text Paul right now :)

"Great, Wow Marriages" just happen --- NOT!

I went out with my sister, CC, last Tuesday night.  We are being coached through a dog agility course with our two pups (thank you Courtney Huther - https://www.facebook.com/courtney.huther?fref=ts) and we love to catch up and encourage one another before class.

Anyway, she mentioned that a younger friend of hers approached her and said, "Ok Cheri - my mentor- do you have any words of wisdom for me?"  What an open and humble heart she displayed!
Trusting CC to guide, lead and speak encouragement to her....

It made me think of think of resources and folks that have come into our lives to mentor Paul and I in our building and protecting our marriage covenant....
Letters to Karen (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/805478.Letters_to_Karen), The Book of Solomon (wild and crazy book!!!), American Family Marriage weekends, The 5 Love Languages by Chapman (http://www.5lovelanguages.com)  etc etc...

Also made me ponder - We have life coaches for all kinds of stuff -- and we seek them out.
Do we seek out ways to be coached and mentored to build up our marriages as much as we seek out ways and folks to build up our bodies, our psyche, our doggies?

Hmmmmm....

Why not?  Perhaps because we think marriages just happen --????
Hmmm [my pondering word!]

Great marriages, "wow" marriages -  don't just happen! 
Just like obedient, agile doggies don't just happen....        
I am absolutely, positively certain of that truth -- 

So  - precious couples - my "mentoring" advice to you is --
Build your marriages --
Get mentors in place--
Garner resources that will protect, nurture and grow your relationship --
You will be blessed beyond measure as you proceed in this adventure together --

Truly -
Onward and Upward --
with love and joy for the journey ---
Kathy

Hired Hearts ---- hmmmmm

Hello precious sojourners --

I just read this quote:

"In the Harvard Business Review, Seidman writes about the shift to a human economy, focused on "hired hearts" and away from the knowledge economy, which held "sheer intellect" in highest regard. He reports:

In hiring, a recent study of over 1,000 CEOs indicates that above all they seek candidates who are "collaborative, communicative, creative, and flexible." (from Matt Levinson's blog)

I can't help  but see the parallel to marriage -- "hired heart characteristics"

Collaborative - we are in this thing called "marriage," relationship, legacy building  together.  So make it collaborative -- working together -- growing together-- laughing together!

Communicative - What in the world does that really mean???
 I know I communicate - but Paul?  He is lousy at it!
OR is he???? Communicative means being able to communicate (duh:)....
I have to admit, it does not mean doing all the talking. It doesn't mean articulate.  Communicative means being able to listen, suspend judgement... To me, it means working through discussions by honoring each other and giving each other time to express themselves.  Does that make sense?
I wonder how any times I "shut Paul up" because I was doing all the talking and explaining... hmmmm.  Ponder that one .....Perhaps the picture of Uncle Mark and baby Derek are the picture of active communicating?  See how they are listening?  just a thought.....

Creative - Create your relationship!  It will definitely be different than any other relationship ever established.  That doesn't mean you can't learn from others' good relationships.  And I know that I certainly learn from the bad relationships -- don't want to copy that idea!!! :)
So be creative -- enjoy each other -- enjoy creating your legacy!!!  Your adventure! Your story!

Flexible - Urgently needed!!!  It amazes me how much we look at others and think - "Wow, that's a great idea!"  or I want to have a party just like theirs, or I want to have children just like theirs, Or a house like theirs, or or or.....
Please listen here --- One of the biggest pitfalls that I see today (myself included) is the need to have everything perfect!!!!  And with that view comes rigidity --- yucky word in my book!  Rigid!
Now, I certainly want to be rigid about the idea that "divorce' is not in our vocabulary (check this post from long ago on that one.....Never use the "D" word!)
But - the more determined I am to find that perfect piece of clothing, perfect name, perfect menu, perfect body, perfect child--- the more frustrated I become -- And I would venture to say, the more frustrated and depressed my fellow sojourners are too.... (that's you guys by the way - my adult children - and family and friends and readers etc).

Thanks for reading and pondering.  Don't take this all as gospel please.  Just read, and ponder and reflect.... How does this fit into or benefit my relationships?  What take-aways do I want to take away?

And so I ponder --- Am I a "hired heart"  when it comes to my marriage relationship?

And now I'm smiling --- 

Funny-- I just read my last post to this blog from January 2014.  
I wrote in it - "Stay tuned for my next blog (which will certainly be sooner than one and a half years). And I will share my reflections with you."

Well - to say the least- it is well past  1 1/2 years since I've posted....
So why am I  smiling???....

A "family catch up" -- 
Kurt and Stephanie are now awaiting the arrival of their second child and our first grandson, Joshua, is 4 years old and just too cute!  They have bought a house and are doing a great job of making it a home.  
Jana and Adam have had their first child - Derek Scott.  And what a joy he is...Jana wants to be a stay-at-home mommy and I am certain that will happen soon!
Scott and Kim have bought a house -- making it a home and will soon be making one of the bedrooms into a nursery.  Yep!  They are expecting their first child -- :) 
Mark, our youngest, has his own apartment and is working hard at People's Kitchen. Lots of wonderful food and fellowship ---Give it a try if you are in town. And he is dating Courtney -- He and she are so very happy as they navigate and grow in this new relationship--- 
(And did I mention that - Both new grandbabies are scheduled to arrive in September?)
Is that why I'm smiling???....

A "Paul and Kathy catch up" -- 
Paul and I are getting older... and wiser (hopefully) ... and falling more madly in love with one another than ever before. It is a lot of work - but it is the best work of our lives, with the best return on the investment - ROI is so high!
Paul loves to tell the story of an acquaintance saying, "I love my wife of 35 years just as much as I did the day we were married."
Whew!!  How boring!  How dull!!!  How limiting!
Love just grows and grows and grows -- if only we will tend to our marriages.  
If only....
I have to confess, that there have been times in our marriage, when we "forgot" that truth -- However, we agreed early on that it was always our desire to have an amazing marriage - not a mediocre one.. not a bad one... 
Therefore - when we see those times of need in our marriage -- we have to stop - tend that relationship...
And those "tending" times are just soooooo good....(i'll share our tending times in some other posts in the future -- so stay tuned!) 
So, is that why I'm smiling???...

I turned 62 in January 2016.  I have "retired" from public education and am "realigning" -- 
Paul "realigns" in July 2016 ---
On to the next adventurous stage of our lives together -- 
Is that why I'm smiling???...

The ups and downs of life are still there.  There are days and moments of extreme joy and there are some very tough times -- Broken marriages of close family and friends, sickness, money woes.... loneliness.... misunderstandings...fear... despair... selfishness...

The "ways of our lives" are filled with all kinds of twists and turns -- 

Yet there is a foundational "view" or perspective that I have found never to fail me --- and perhaps will encourage you on your "way."

When life gives us those "rough ways" - I remember .....

"You teach me the way of life.
In Your presence is total celebration.
Beautiful things are always in Your right hand." 
Psalm 16:11 (CEB)

Perhaps... just perhaps... that is why I am smiling -- 
Thankful.  Hopeful. Contented.  
During the calm and during the storm (at least i try to get there during  the "storms" :) 
Because I know...
Because I am reminded ... 
of the Lord's constant Presence...

Encourage one another, beloved couples, of this truth -- There is 'total celebration' in your marriages when you allow His Presence to teach and lead.... 

ever onward and upward...with love....
Kathy

(P.S. That's Ollie! and baby Derek... with the Path ever before us ...
That doggie definitely makes me smile :)

Catching up....So why am I crying???

Hello all!
It's been quite a while since I've posted on our marriage mentoring blog … A lot as happened in our lives. We've been on a family Christmas cruise in 2012. Kurt and Stephanie are married four 1/2 years already. Joshua, our delightful grandson, will soon be two years old already! Jana and Adam's wedding was a little over 2 years ago. And they've bought a house and have quickly turned it into a home. Scott will be marrying his lovely bride, Kim, in August 2014. He just recently moved into his own apartment - a lovely little home here in Bethlehem. Mark is working extremely hard - 2 jobs - as he figures out his next steps. He currently chooses to make our home his residence- paying rent, insurance, etc. A fully participating member with all the responsibilities that entails.

Paul and I celebrated out 35th wedding anniversary in August 2013!

Blessed beyond measure!!!

So why am I crying? .........

We've also had our share of "difficult" times. The passing of Paul's precious mother. The aging of my mom. Paul's double knee replacement. The passing of our amazingly loving, kind, and fun sister in law, Peggy (my brother, Greg's helpmate). 

Is this why I'm crying?.....

Paul and  I have celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary as I told you earlier. But even that is not without difficulties… I am so thankful for a loving husband. Who takes time to listen and talk. But with busy lives, we found we have not attended to our relationship as much as we have perhaps in other times in our lives. So "it" came as a little bit of a surprise that even after 35 years, or maybe more so than ever, we need dedicated time to build, nurture, grow, love, and enjoy, our marriage. And we have definitely been purposeful in that. However, it is a lot of work, time, and effort.
So is this why I'm crying?…

I did turn 60 on January 6, 2014.
So is this why I'm crying?…

So why am I crying? In all those different aspects of life; the joys, sorrows, the difficulties, the good times, and the bad times,… So why am I crying?
Stay tuned for my next blog (which will certainly be sooner than one half years). And I will share my reflections with you.

Till then, dear children and friends, nurture your marriages as you never have before.

Time.....

Hello Beloved Ones!
What alot has happened in our lives this 2012!

Paul and I are grandparents for the first time.  Kurt and Stephanie blessed us with Joshua Paul!  He was born in late March and is now three months old... how time flies!  That is truly an adage we all can relate to.

When I hold Joshua and sing to him, rock him, feed him - I am transported!  Even as I write this -- I tear up :).  Why?  Because I am transported to 1982 when I held, sang, rocked and fed Kurt!  Why do I tear up?  Perhaps because I am feeling so blessed, perhaps because I miss those "simple" times..... Perhaps because the time really does go so quickly and I ponder -----
What am I spending my time on now?  What do I spend my hours thinking about?  Where do I place my focus?  Am I making a difference?  How do I know?

So Beloved Ones - treasure the moments, stop striving for "things," focus on the relationships.......
We are all given the same amount of time.  It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, young or old - time is meted out to all folks in the same amount. 

Another "plumb" for your marriages and families - treasure the moments - you will never be disappointed if you do!

Blessings and Joy to my beloved children, grandchild, family and friends....