Listen! Watch out for the "bumps of dirt under your marriage rugs!"

Oh my beloved ones - Please listen to this piece of advice. Always - share your thoughts, cares, resentments, anger, frustration, hurts etc with each other. You don't have to yell at one another to express your emotions - but you do need to discuss your feelings. That would be anything that "bothers" you. If you think, "Oh, this is just small. I don't need to bring it up. I can just sweep it under the rug." Then, you will be in for lots of bumps of dirt under your marriage rug. Your foundation will be very bumpy and it will be harder and harder to clean it out. In fact, there may come a time, when it is unfixable. Trust me precious ones, keep discussing until you are back in synch with your mates.

What happens to a marriage of mothering and not partnering?

So what happens if you continue to be the "mother" to your man? Well, you nag, and try to "mother" and forget how to be a partner. That is what happens. By the time you are married for 30 years (or 10 years, or 10 months), you wonder why your husband is not participating in your marriage. That is what happens.

It all starts with your husband doing the dishes, and you don't like the way he does them. You tell him. He gives up because he can't please you. So you make sure that you do them all the time - then you get tired. Your husband dresses the kids when you are at work. You come home, or see them and say - How could you dress them this way? He gives up.... This scenario gets repeated and repeated. Sometimes I really think that we women think that our husbands should know. They do not. We need to express ourselves - heart to heart to our men. We need to talk to our men as their woman and not their mother.

Does this make sense to you?

A mother or a friend, soul mate, lover....partners for life!

To my precious sons and daughters and beloved readers.... I am not sure if I ever told you this story about the propensity we women have to "mother" our men... so here goes:

When Dad and I were first married, I wanted to do everything for him. If he liked chocolate chip cookies, I made dozens. If he wanted something, I bought lots. I thought I needed to do all the wash, I needed to do all the cooking and cleaning and take care of my man!!! Thank God your Dad is so very wise. I can remember vividly when he sat me down for a heart to heart talk. He said, "Kathy, I am not incapable. I am a participating member of this relationship. I want to be a part of this team. And we are a team. So please do not mother me." That is all he needed to say. I got the point! From that point on, we worked as a team. That first year of marriage, we did everything together. If I cooked, he helped, or he cleaned up and vice versa. We did the wash together - great memories of going to the laundramat - loading the car, folding the wash - just enjoying our time together. We were growing our partnership and have not stopped! I love being a partner with Paul for sure!!!

I have watched many marriages disintegrate into a mother/child relationship, rather than a rich shared partnership. I'll be talking about this in my next blog...

Which type of relationship will you build?