Do I want to grow old with my husbud?

Really?  Do I want my husband, Paul, to be there all the years of my life?  To see me shrivel up and wrinkle up?  And I make myself smile. Of course I want to grow old with him.  And not just for us - but for a real life "legacy love."  The type of love that affects our future generations... Giving them stability and foundation and commitment and a picture of covenantal love....

I've always wanted a "picture" of the dedicated, self-less, committed "legacy love" of a marriage...

I love this picture of my mom and dad -- Look how they are holding hands.  Despite a lot of tough times, they stuck it out.  And the joy and blessings of this foundation is seen and felt throughout future generations.

Another "picture" of legacy love is this video - it is precious and encouraging and just watch --

How Much I Love You ....

And don't forget to tell your beloved How Much You Love Them.....I'm going to text Paul right now :)

"Great, Wow Marriages" just happen --- NOT!

I went out with my sister, CC, last Tuesday night.  We are being coached through a dog agility course with our two pups (thank you Courtney Huther - https://www.facebook.com/courtney.huther?fref=ts) and we love to catch up and encourage one another before class.

Anyway, she mentioned that a younger friend of hers approached her and said, "Ok Cheri - my mentor- do you have any words of wisdom for me?"  What an open and humble heart she displayed!
Trusting CC to guide, lead and speak encouragement to her....

It made me think of think of resources and folks that have come into our lives to mentor Paul and I in our building and protecting our marriage covenant....
Letters to Karen (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/805478.Letters_to_Karen), The Book of Solomon (wild and crazy book!!!), American Family Marriage weekends, The 5 Love Languages by Chapman (http://www.5lovelanguages.com)  etc etc...

Also made me ponder - We have life coaches for all kinds of stuff -- and we seek them out.
Do we seek out ways to be coached and mentored to build up our marriages as much as we seek out ways and folks to build up our bodies, our psyche, our doggies?

Hmmmmm....

Why not?  Perhaps because we think marriages just happen --????
Hmmm [my pondering word!]

Great marriages, "wow" marriages -  don't just happen! 
Just like obedient, agile doggies don't just happen....        
I am absolutely, positively certain of that truth -- 

So  - precious couples - my "mentoring" advice to you is --
Build your marriages --
Get mentors in place--
Garner resources that will protect, nurture and grow your relationship --
You will be blessed beyond measure as you proceed in this adventure together --

Truly -
Onward and Upward --
with love and joy for the journey ---
Kathy

Hired Hearts ---- hmmmmm

Hello precious sojourners --

I just read this quote:

"In the Harvard Business Review, Seidman writes about the shift to a human economy, focused on "hired hearts" and away from the knowledge economy, which held "sheer intellect" in highest regard. He reports:

In hiring, a recent study of over 1,000 CEOs indicates that above all they seek candidates who are "collaborative, communicative, creative, and flexible." (from Matt Levinson's blog)

I can't help  but see the parallel to marriage -- "hired heart characteristics"

Collaborative - we are in this thing called "marriage," relationship, legacy building  together.  So make it collaborative -- working together -- growing together-- laughing together!

Communicative - What in the world does that really mean???
 I know I communicate - but Paul?  He is lousy at it!
OR is he???? Communicative means being able to communicate (duh:)....
I have to admit, it does not mean doing all the talking. It doesn't mean articulate.  Communicative means being able to listen, suspend judgement... To me, it means working through discussions by honoring each other and giving each other time to express themselves.  Does that make sense?
I wonder how any times I "shut Paul up" because I was doing all the talking and explaining... hmmmm.  Ponder that one .....Perhaps the picture of Uncle Mark and baby Derek are the picture of active communicating?  See how they are listening?  just a thought.....

Creative - Create your relationship!  It will definitely be different than any other relationship ever established.  That doesn't mean you can't learn from others' good relationships.  And I know that I certainly learn from the bad relationships -- don't want to copy that idea!!! :)
So be creative -- enjoy each other -- enjoy creating your legacy!!!  Your adventure! Your story!

Flexible - Urgently needed!!!  It amazes me how much we look at others and think - "Wow, that's a great idea!"  or I want to have a party just like theirs, or I want to have children just like theirs, Or a house like theirs, or or or.....
Please listen here --- One of the biggest pitfalls that I see today (myself included) is the need to have everything perfect!!!!  And with that view comes rigidity --- yucky word in my book!  Rigid!
Now, I certainly want to be rigid about the idea that "divorce' is not in our vocabulary (check this post from long ago on that one.....Never use the "D" word!)
But - the more determined I am to find that perfect piece of clothing, perfect name, perfect menu, perfect body, perfect child--- the more frustrated I become -- And I would venture to say, the more frustrated and depressed my fellow sojourners are too.... (that's you guys by the way - my adult children - and family and friends and readers etc).

Thanks for reading and pondering.  Don't take this all as gospel please.  Just read, and ponder and reflect.... How does this fit into or benefit my relationships?  What take-aways do I want to take away?

And so I ponder --- Am I a "hired heart"  when it comes to my marriage relationship?