Establish Your "Plumb Line"

I'm not really sure where we heard this nugget of truth.  I think it was at a marriage conference we went to when I was pregnant with Scott (it is amazing how you measure time by your children's events :).  Anyway, this is excellent advice and Paul and I have lived by this one!

   So - what is a plumb line?  Well, a plumb is a weight attached to a line to determine whether or not something is on true vertical.  If you are "out of plumb" or "off plumb," you are off vertical, or true.  In marriage words - if you are out of plumb, if you are sensing that you are not right or true, then you need to make an adjustment to get back on plumb - back on true!  And believe me, there are many "things" that push you off plumb; work, other family members, money woes, not enough time. etc etc etc.

Some of our "plumb lines" are: weekly date nights, praying together everyday, phoning each other everyday, going on annual or preferably semi-annual retreats away-just for the two of us, going to church together, never going to bed angry, and going over our budget weekly.  (There are some intimate plumb lines too!)  Those are a few of the ones that stand out for me right now.  We have decided as a couple that these are some of the "things" that will keep us true. keep our marriage strong, straight, vertical.

Do we pray absolutely every day?  Do we go out every single week alone? Absolutely not!  Stuff happens! We get busy and preoccupied with other things.  We get lazy.  Or, we get plain old tired.  However, because we have established our own "plumb lines" we recognize when we get off plumb more readily.  That is the value!

Wikipedia has another definition for a plumb line: A plumb line is a line regarded as directed exactly toward the Earth's center of gravity.  So establish your marriage's plumb line!  And be sure that you are always pointing that plumb to the Way, the Truth and the Life! (John 14:6)  He is your Center and holds you together!

 

 

 

plumb. (2009). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Retrieved June 26, 2009, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/plumb

Picture retrieved June 26, 2009 from www.elizabethharperneeld.com

Never let the sun go down on your anger... continued

The phrase, "Never let the sun go down on your anger..." can actually be found in the Bible. It is in Ephesians 4:26. The footnote in my Study Bible says that "no anger should outlast the day." This must be important and holding on to anger must happen, or it wouldn't be addressed in the Word.
So, I wanted to comment on this topic through two blog entries because I believe that sometimes we naively think that some issues are just not important enough to make a big deal about.
If you do not address the little "issues" in your relationship, they will grow. Trust me - I have seen it happen in many, many relationships. If you sweep enough "issues" under the rug, you will end up with a huge pile that will continue to grow and actually be more difficult to clean up than if the "issue" was brought up and discussed. That pile of "issues" eventually becomes a very thick wall that is very difficult to penetrate. Don't be naive enough to think that you are above that fact.
My beloved ones, if you sense a "wall" between you and your spouse - bring it up, talk about it, get it out in the open so you can deal with it. I love you so very much.... and I am praying for all the sunsets in your lives.... may they be times of refreshment, renewal, and growth.
By the way, Paul and I resolved the "issue" that night - he was relentless - and I remembered our promise to each other....

Never let the sun go down on your anger...

When Paul and I were engaged, one of the foundations of marriage that we wanted to be in agreement about was dealing with disagreements. We knew that two people coming together would have communication woes. So - we agreed that we would never go to sleep if there was any kind of anger or "wall" between us. We vowed that no matter what it took, we would resolve our differences before we fell asleep.
And let me tell you, so far we have lived by this phrase....except once. I cannot remember what we were fighting about, but I remember clearly lying on my side with my back towards Paul. He asked me, "So you are not angry? And we have settled this disagreement?" I shot back, "Yes!" He continued, "So the sun will not go down on your anger?" I clipped, "Right!" Now, I knew I was still angry (and stubborn) and Paul knew I was still angry. We both knew we had not resolved the disagreement......tune in for my next post as I continue this story and how it got resolved.

And, my beloved ones, ponder why this is a good adage to have for your marriages. Discuss it with your intended or your spouse.

Women - Stand By Your Man.....

I just love the phrase in that Tammy Wynette song - "Stand by your man! Tell him you'll always love him...."

As you can tell already, this blog entry is really for the women, for my Jana, Stephanie, other future daughters-in-love....my sweet women friends, sisters, nieces.....

I believe strongly that our men need our support, respect, devotion and love. They are men - not perfect, not our saviors, they are men. Who need (it is not a want), need our respect and love. And they need to know that no matter what they do - we will stand by them. We will love them with an unconditional love. We will spur them on to be all that they can be for God. They can be safe with us.....
So girls, stand by your man..... tell him often you will always love him.....









p.s. - Please keep in mind.... if your man is abusing you - get help - but if he is a "regular" guy... stand by him.

You have a choice....

I remember clearly when Paul and I chose the type of marriage we wanted. We decided that we had three choices... we could have a great marriage, a bad marriage or a mediocre marriage. I hope that those who know us can tell that we chose the "great marriage." And, I hope that you all realize that this choice brought along with it a tremendous amount of work, forgiveness, communication, and time. But, it is the best work we have ever done. The rewards are astounding.

Listen carefully, we BOTH had to agree that this is what we wanted. If one person decides this is what they want, and never communicate it to their spouse... it just will not work. It is another one of those things that you have to discuss and agree to as a couple.

Have you ever noticed that anything on earth will always work to decay, unless it is attended to? We have wrought iron railings outside our home. If we do not sand and repaint them, they will rust.. decay. If wood is not treated, taken care of...it will decay. Our houses need attention or they will move to disrepair.. decay. Our teeth, if not taken care of will .... decay. The list of examples goes on and on and on.

Our marriages, if not tended to ..... will decay. So, my beloved ones, make the choice. What kind of marriage do you want to have? What kind of marriage do you want to be remembered for?
What kind of legacy do you want your marriage to leave?

You have a choice to make! Make it wisely and purposely.

Never use the "D" word!

Do you know what the "d" word is? It is "divorce." When Paul and I were married for about 4 years we had our first son, Kurt. It was definitely an adjustment period for us (there are many "adjustment" periods in a marriage :). Anyway, I remember clearly telling Paul that I didn't need him if he was not going to be present in our marriage and in the parenting of our new son. I was very prideful and actually accusatory. I felt that I was doing the "work" of parenting alone. I told him that divorce was a viable option. He very lovingly and with alot of conviction said that it was not an option for him. We were going to work through this "adjustment" time together. And we would be stronger for it. He listened to my concerns, I listened to his and we did come out stronger and closer because of it. Our parenting and commitment to our family became rock solid.
After we got through that "adjustment" period, we agreed (actually we covenanted) that we would never use the "d" word again. That did not mean we would just "suck it up." No - it meant we would take the time and energy and commitment and the hard work to make our marriage foundational.

P.S. If your spouse ever hurts you - physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally - get help immediately. I believe that you are not in a real covenantal marriage when one spouse hurts another.

Love....

Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind. As you love Him... both of you ..... Loving Him... you will definitely grow closer to one another.

Love of God is foundational. Life will always throw you a "hard ball." If you love Him.. truly trust Him... rely on Him.... your relationship will stay rock solid.

It is like a triangle. You are both on the bottom corners of the triangle. He is at the top point. As your both rely on Him, you will grow closer and closer.. AND the rewards will be phenomenal. Do you want a phenomenal life??? Then trust me... develop, grow, strengthen your relationship with the Lord of Lords. You will not be disappointed!

Love to you all!

Why I am blogging on Marriage Matters....

When I was in college I read a book - "Letters to Karen." It was written by a dad to his daughter as she prepared to be married. I loved the book and cherished the advice. I am now married for over 30 years... and I do have alot of "advice" to share. I have nuggets of wisdom - I believe they will guarantee a precious marriage... not a perfect marriage, but a precious one.

I am writing this blog for my four children - I love you all so very much. Your dad and I have a wonderful marriage... you know that.... and I want to share some of the secrets that have fostered such an amazing relationship.

Read on - if you want a wonderful, amazing, fulfilling marriage.
Read on - if you don't want a mediocre marriage.
Read on - if you don't want a poor marriage.
Read on - if you are dedicated and committed to a life long relationship with your chosen...